I was caught lying.

We all lie. I know that for a fact but it doesn’t mean that just because everyone lies, I could lie too. I admit I lie about things. I lie about my height, my weight, what I’ve eaten, what I’ve been doing, the color of my underwear, I lie about the little things. But when you lie to the one you love it’s a different story especially if it’s quite a big one.

The so called “love of my life” caught me lying to him about something I’d rather not say. Let’s call him Spiderman. He emailed me last night and I got excited when I saw his name appear on my cellphone screen. I was like “Yay! He’s uppp!”. So since he was up, we started our usual exchange. I was tipsy since my sister, my bff and I were having some beer.. when all of a sudden he asked me a question. I was like “Yes, what about it? Oh really? That’s ok.” Then he said something that made my heart race, my hands cold and I literally felt blood drained my face. I was caught. I could’ve made an excuse but the proof was so clear and strong, there was no way out of it, so I admitted I lied. Suddenly I was not tipsy anymore. It took me quite some time before I could answer. There was no point adding more fuel to the flame so I just said “I’m so sorry I lied. I really am sorry.. Gosh I feel so bad right now. Please don’t hate me?” I was frustrated and desperate. God knows I felt so bad after I lied to him. I got so scared that he might stop talking to me or worse hate me. 

 

“Haha it’s ok. I understand why you did it.” 

That’s what he said. He’s too nice he forgave me right away. But you know, it just made me feel worse that I was at the verge of tears. I couldn’t tell if the alcohol had something to do with it or not. All I know was I felt so miserable, ashamed and I hated myself. He kept saying he understood why I did it. It was nothing compared to what he did to me before. He was implying that we’re just even. 

 

He then said “Why would I hate you, you turd. You knew there were some things I didn’t tell you up front and it was just the same so I understand.”

God, he was too nice. But it didn’t change the fact that I’m ashamed of myself. If he were right in front of me that moment, I would’ve hidden my face and I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes. Then I suddenly felt the urge to tell him things that I’ve been keeping to myself for a long time.  I would not stop. I kept going and going, telling him things that shocked him. “You’re too open.. It’s how you keep sane.” he said. 

“Don’t ever feel scared to tell me things.” he added. I trust him so much I told him  my deepest worries..but I still couldn’t tell him I love him even with the help of alcohol I can’t..

 At the end of the whole conversation, he forgave me and I don’t doubt him. Spiderman is that cool.

 

 

 

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