Somebody please get me pregnant

I’m surrounded with pregnant and happily married friends. I always hear them talk abut their pregnancies and how they hate and love it at the same time. They would complain how fat they’ve gotten and curse their husbands for being responsible of their weight gain. They would complain of the nonstop puking and how bad food smells. But at the end of the day it’s all about the love for the little one inside their bodies..and the huge boobs.

I love kids. Always have. If you’ve read my past entires you’d know what I mean. 🙂

I find it amusing watching them complain and smile about it after. I do get jealous sometimes. Not because they have boyfriends or husbands that got them preggo..but the fact that they could conceive. Don’t get me wrong, I can conceive. I’ve a very healthy reproductive system ha. It’s my condition that’s making me unsure if I could someday.

 

I’m 21 years old and still too young to have my own child. I don’t even have a boyfriend at the moment. I’ve been single for almost 2 years now and it’s not because I’m not pretty or something…my feelings for someone I can’t have is stopping me from liking any of my suitors.  Anyway, back to the topic.

 

I woke up this morning with the thought of babies in my head. I must’ve dreamt of babies ha. Then I started reading news online until I stumbled upon this blogger that I follow. She’s pregnant and she talked about the mixed feelings she’s having and stuff. Her blog entry ended with so much love for her little one which made me think..

 

I’m in the “dormant” stage of CLL where no treatments are needed yet. So technically speaking, I’m still very much healthy. I could still get pregnant and have a healthy baby. But I’m still young, not yet married and my parents would be against it. I know it’s kinda selfish if I give birth to a healthy baby without the assurance that I’ll go through remission and live long. I want to be a mom. I know I’m born to be a mom someday..and it kills me inside that I may not have my own. If I wait for the right age to get pregnant, I’m probably going through chemo or who knows, I might not be in this world anymore.

 

 

It sucks. I just want a normal happy life. That’s all I ask for. Someday it’ll all get better. I just know it.

 

For now I want to pour all my love to my 2 dogs and my current “baby” Milca. My 4 month old Golden Retriever puppy. She’s my baby girl. 🙂

 

My baby girl.

 

 

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