You fool it’s not like HIV. You’re not going to die if I touch you.

I loved living the single life until I’ve experienced rejection twice in a row. All for the same reason. I’m sick.

There was this guy I was liking very much but he didn’t know I have leukemia. (I guess he haven’t heard the news.) He already told me that he liked me and wanted to date. So me, being the awesome girl that I am told him “You know I have leukemia right?” 

“You really are a funny girl. Lol I wouldn’t have asked you out if I knew.”

“Surprise, surprise! I have leukemia. Stage 2. Here’s the number of my oncologist. +639189177754 in case you wanna make sure.”

After that day, he made an excuse that he’s going to be busy next weekend and he had to cancel our date. Riiight.. His texts got fewer each day saying he was busy and stuff until he totally stopped texting me.

I told Kat and she said he’s a jerk. I told my other friend and he said he’s a douche.

I got over it fast and was like “Meh. It’s his loss anyway.” Then came R. I used to like him too before and he knew but he had a gf that time. It was a one-sided love. We bumped into each other at a bar and he said he’s single again and asked if we could hang out some time. For some reason I said “Sure.”  We started texting like the good old times, and for the second time my brain’s brain decided to ask him “You know I have leukemia right?”

“No. You’re kidding right? Ha-ha ok that was funny now quit it.”

“But I do have leukemia.”

“Oh..I’m sorry. I thought you were kidding…”

Aaaand just like A, he stopped talking to me and used the same excuse. Busy. I started hating that word.

Rejection. It sucks. They fled the moment they learned I’m sick. It sucked. I had anxiety attacks after that. It bothered me and it made me realize that guys don’t like complications. But I understand them. Who would like a sick girl for a girlfriend anyway?  Who in their right mind would choose a defective cellphone over a phone that’s in perfect condition? None..unless you’re crazy.

So I’ve decided not to entertain more guys until I’m all better to save me from more heartaches. Or maybe, just maybe..there’s someone out there who wouldn’t mind that I’m sick and love me despite of everything. Wishful thinking.

Right now, I’m in love with someone. He doesn’t know and he must not know. He knows I’m sick and doesn’t treat me like one. He’s my friend.  Lol even if I tell him, nothing will happen anyway. He’s pretty much taken, engaged actually and is on the other side of the world. It’s like waiting for something that would never ever happen..

I’m in the friend zone. It sucks but I don’t mind. He makes me happy.